Claustrophobia and The 70s…

One might wonder what has one to do with the other. Strange bedfellows as it were. I’ll tell you…

I have had the pleasure of experiencing 5 or 6 MRI procedures over the years. I have never had a problem, in fact a couple of months ago I fell asleep while in the tunnel. However, the last MRI I had was the MRI from hell. As they slid me into the tube my knees scraped the top of the tube and immediately triggered a 30 minute claustrophobic episode. It took all that was in me not to squeeze the panic button. Okay, what has that to do with the 70s? I’ll tell you…

Seven months ago I was a 71 year old athlete, today I am not. I have been blessed with great DNA and good health such that I could sprint and slide and dive while playing the game I love. Then I tore a tendon. No more running. No more playing the game I love. After three MRIs I have been diagnosed with a mixture of maladies, none of which are going away. So that’s the nexus between the 70s and clasutrophobia? No. At least not the nexus that is the subject of this blog. What then? I’ll tell you…

MRIs and old age share a characteristic, they both can be claustrophobic. How so? Claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder that causes an intense fear of enclosed spaces. The MRI experience speaks for itself. As for old age, at least for me, one day it came with the realization that there is no way back. I cannot escape the tube called growing older. At least with an MRI one can hit the panic button and they will pull you from the tube. But, no one can deliver me from getting older or from the maladies that come with it. When that realization hits home it can be suffocating, creating an angst associated with being enclosed in a future space I fear. I am not going to be better next year and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I can deal with aches and pains, no problem. But, the sense of vulnerability and weakness that comes with being irretrievably damaged goods from a physical standpoint is new for me. I don’t care for it. No, that’s not true. I hate it. I have always been able. Able to take care of myself and my family. The day is coming when they may have to take care of me. Hate that thought, just hate it.

I know, I know… I should be thankful that I can walk. I should be thankful for the great life I have. Believe it or not, I am. I am very grateful that today I live and move and have my being in Him. I am grateful for a mountain of things. And, yes, I know that there are literally millions and millions of people facing far greater challenges. I get it. That doesn’t change my experience. It does me no good to suppress my thoughts and feelings under a blanket of guilt. Children in Africa are starving, I still won’t eat pickled beets. I refuse to deny or discount my own angst simply because the suffering of millions far exceeds my own. In truth, one has nothing to do with the other. So where do I go from here? I’ll tell you…

As with my latest MRI experience, I will find a way to hang in there and not hit the panic button. The device I used to distract my mind in order to fight off the claustrophobia of the MRI tube was to practice my part in two eulogies that I would be giving in the next two days. I actually spoke them aloud while in the tube. My sense is that I will manage the suffocating aspect of old age in the same way. I will distract myself from focusing on the claustrophobic aspects of a deteriorating mind and body by focusing on the needs of others. By looking for and taking every opportunity to give what I have left to those in need. In truth, I am wiser, more mature, kinder, smarter and, while not rich, am wealthier than at any time in my life. In short, I have a lot to give and I can’t take any of it with me so I will endeavor to give it all away in the time that I have left.

It has rightfully been said that old age is not for wimps. Agreed. The suffering is real. Friends and family are taken from us in increasing numbers, usually by dread disease. The world at large is going to hell in a handbasket. Our individual health is or will be compromised at some point. But, we have two things going for us that will allow us to meet the challenge, more so to embrace all that comes with growing old.

First, apart from the physical, as stated above we are likely the best version of ourselves that we have ever been which enables us to navigate life’s challenges better than we ever have. Second, and most important, we have a Creator who foresaw a world where we would inevitably become weak. The Apostle Paul pleaded three times that his own source of weakness might be taken away, then the Creator spoke…

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.”

Amen.